Hannah (7th Grade) & Brandon (5th Grade) Give Advice on Making Friends in School

It can be hard to make friends at any age but especially as a kid, so we’ve gone straight to the source with our friends Hannah, 7th Grade, and Brandon, 5th Grade.

Popular culture dictates who is popular in your neck of the woods, and let me tell ya–it’s not enough to french roll your jeans and tease your hair with Aquanet anymore. Now our tweens must be up to the standards set forth against our fast-paced, technology-driven society.  A little self-doubt is normal but a sea of it often looms over our Middle Schoolers day in and day out:  Where do I belong? Am I good enough to be part of the cool group?

Things that seem trivial to us as adults are the most important moments at school, such as “What table am I going to sit at during lunch?” For some kids lunch and recess often present the most anxiety-filled 38 minutes of the day. Every child wants to make friends but not every child knows how.

What is perceived as an innocuous social situation can often lead to social distress. An S.O.S. call is needed to alleviate the pressure and take hold of those kids sitting at the corner table by themselves, relegated to being labeled as an outsider.

Who can answer their plea? Their peers.

Peers hold a resounding influence at most stages of development. In cases of bullying, excessive teasing, and manipulation the person who can prevent or escalate these acts of aggression are usually the other peers in the class. No one wants to be a tattletale and telling a teacher only helps so much. The answer lies in helping that group of kids who see others in distress learn to have enough confidence and wherewithal to reach out and rescue those who can’t rescue themselves–to advocate for those who are unable to advocate for themselves. With this act of heroism, comes new-found respect for oneself and sensitivity to the plight of others who have a tougher time developing this life skill.

Making friends is simply the act of taking a little risk– putting yourself out there without regard for embarrassment–and following your gut. Without risk there is no reward (like we talked about last week). We want to teach our students to avoid the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” regrets in life. So take a chance and reach out to make a new friend and teach others how to do the same. You never know whose life you’ll end up changing in the end.

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Christine Terry, J.D., is the Founder & Owner of Terry Tutors, a Private Tutoring, Family Coaching, and Education Advocacy service dedicated to supporting the whole student. Want to Know More? Head on over to TerryTutors.com

Links We Love!

If you’re a parent of a child with Learning Differences, Behavior Challenges, or Social Skills Needs then you know that one of the most difficult things to search out is a trusted service provider– a “child whisperer” who has their “finger on the pulse” of the L.D. community at large, and, above all else, treats your kid like their own.

We’ll, you’re in luck because this past year we, at Terry Tutors, have spent the bulk of our time researching, meeting, and compiling resources for our clients. Throughout this process, we’ve found ways to seamlessly work together with teams of providers for each of our students and families in need of a little or a lot of help. We happily collaborate because that is the only way to coordinate proper care and ensure that needs are met and things get done! We work not only in the home but at the school and with the state too, providing cross-over services because a child’s challenge doesn’t magically go away when the bell rings.

Anyone who has tried to find special education services or the like has received the run-around more than once, where frustration ensues and time is inevitably lost. We’ve been fortunate, however, to make this process as painless as possible for our students and their families, working diligently to create connections so our kiddos are not the ones who lose out in the end.

For example, SSTs and IEPs are often thought of as nightmarish meetings, laden with government bureaucracy–stretching for days on end with little accomplished. But that has not been our experience. Instead:

• We do our homework! We’re educated, knowledgeable, and passionate about advocating and providing the right support for our students and their families.
• We extensively prepare our clients for realistic goals, being mindful of the emotion involved throughout the process of evaluation, social/emotional/academic findings, and the tough decisions parents must make.
• We make it a priority to respectfully maintain open communication with Teachers, School Psychologists, OTs, SLPs, Resource Specialists, Principals, and Administrators.
• We followup in a professional, timely manner to ensure what is written on paper is implemented in the classroom.

It is through this process that we’ve been able to meet all of these amazing service providers, who are passionate about serving your child and helping you support and advocate for their needs.

Review all of our Free Resources & Recommendations:

• Terry Tutors: Serving the Whole Student with Private Tutoring, Family Coaching & Education Advocacy
• Links We Love: a free resource list of providers we’ve met and services we recommend
• Terry Tutors Facebook: Resources galore for the typical and atypical developing student
• Terry Tutors Twitter: Connections with like-minded outlets for education: reform, inspiration, and know-how
• Terry Tutors Blog: Honest Approaches to Serving the Whole Student
• Terry Tutors Pinterest: Hundreds of pins from healthy kid-friendly snacks to education case law
• Terry Tutors YouTube: A Series all about the psychology behind school and how you can do better just by changing your mindset

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Christine Terry, J.D., is the Founder & Owner of Terry Tutors, a Private Tutoring, Family Coaching, and Education Advocacy service dedicated to supporting the whole student. She writes this blog as an effort to help Moms & Dads Navigate Generation Z, Honestly. Want to Know More? Head on over to TerryTutors.com

A Little Confidence Goes A Long Way

It doesn’t cost any money to teach your kids the value of investing in themselves. What do I mean by that? Confidence. The key word to change. I don’t think I truly found my confidence until I was well into adulthood. Looking back, I passed up a lot of opportunities because I failed to muster up the courage to take the leap, go out on a limb, and try something new.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I traveled the world and learned all kinds of important skills (and life lessons) but there was still this nagging voice inside that said, “Hold on. Wait a second. You need to work a little harder and smarter to get to that next level. You haven’t earned it yet.” The good news about being internally motivated, however, is that I did end up working harder and smarter than my peers in many arenas and was, therefore, able to succeed on a different level. The bad news is that this little voice didn’t ever really stop, even though I had finally achieved my goal.

Confidence is the key that unlocks the magical thing that sets you apart from the rest. When I first meet a student, their confidence is often non-existent. They have failed a test or class, been sent to the principal’s office so many times the secretary knows them by name, or were erroneously labeled and unfairly stigmatized to the point that their confidence is barely hovering above their self-respect. It is then my task to help each of my students and their families pick apart the reasons why they failed the test, were sent to the principal’s office, or were unfairly labeled. By guiding them through this laborious but logical process, the students and their parents slowly begin to realize mistakes made (by themselves and others) along the way. Once we get to the root of these issues, it’s just a matter of time before the student will begin to rebuild their often forgotten self-esteem, self-respect, and confidence.

All the educational books and specialists will tell you the same thing: the core of a well-rounded, prepared, and teachable student is confidence. It’s less about grades and more about taking the time to get to the real issues underneath the anxiety, anger, and angst. I see this time and time again in my Tutoring Practice. A frantic call from a parent over an academic concern leads to the realization that it’s really something more than their son or daughter’s lack of comprehension during the English exam. Making the time to truly listen (without judgment) to your struggling student will reveal a deeper need for internal validation, which can only come from positive praise by the ones they love the most: You!

So take the time to make the time and call me if you’re in need of backup! I’m standing by to assist in your quest to help your child realize their very best.

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Christine Terry, J.D., is the Founder & Owner of Terry Tutors, a Private Tutoring, Family Coaching, and Education Advocacy service dedicated to supporting the whole student. She writes this blog as an effort to help Moms & Dads Navigate Generation Z, Honestly. Want to Know More? Head on over to TerryTutors.com